“Hansel and Gretel”

February 2nd, 2013 at 4:16 pm by under A Look at the Movies

One StarRated R
1 Hour 40 minutes 

Starring: Jeremy Renner, Gemma Arterton, Famke Janssen 

Now according to Hollywood, every children’s fairy tale’s got a vicious streak that needs to be exploited in the worst way.

And believe me, “Hansel and Gretel” is exploitation at it’s worst. The sibling Witch hunters are all grown up now and they’re ready to wage war on their childhood tormentors.

Jeremy Renner and Gemma Arterton take a big step back in their careers. They’re armed to the teeth with every automatic weapon available during the dark ages. Perplexed parents may ask, if it’s a children’s story, how objectionable can it be? You don’t want to find out.

Aside from skinny dipping and the gruesome violence, I can’t imagine any reason why parents would even consider denying their children access to this R-Rated monstrosity. “Hansel and Gretel” goes out of its way to be tasteless and hits the mark every time.

Aside from “Hansel and Gretel’s” more obvious shortcomings like the terrible acting and insultingly stupid storytelling, “Hansel and Gretel” is offensive to those who treasure classic Fairy Tales. This trash can measure up no higher than one star.

I say banish this “Hansel and Gretel” to where it belongs, at the bottom of the barrel.

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